Have you heard – Oct 21
Party humour
My wife hosted a party for many of our old friends, some of whom we hadn’t seen for years.
Everyone was encouraged to bring their children and grandchildren along as well.
All throughout dinner, Emma, my wife’s best friend’s four-year-old granddaughter kept staring at me. This beautiful little girl could hardly eat her food for staring at me.
I checked my shirt for spots, felt my face for food and patted my hair in place, but nothing stopped her from staring at me.
Finally, I asked her, “Emma, why are you staring at me so?”
Everyone at the table had noticed her behaviour also, and the table went quiet, waiting for her response.
Little Emma said, “I just wanna see how you drink like a fish.”
Wine humour
Opinion of life – Have you heard, March 2012
The scene is a monastery where every seven years a monk is selected to pass an opinion of life within the community.
At one of the seven year meetings, the Abbot calls upon Brother Albert to say what he feels, and the privileged monk asks: “Why is our soup always cold?”
Seven years later Brother John is invited to speak, and he says: “The soup is not always cold but is sometimes hot.”
Another seven years pass and this time Brother Richard is called upon. He says: “I want to resign the Order”
When asked why he contends: “I’m sick and tired of this constant bickering.”